got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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