he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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