You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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