Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
