theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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