I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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