There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
