If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
