It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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