I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
