There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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