I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!