Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.