I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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