It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
