i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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