I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
