i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize