My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
