we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
