Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
