Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
