even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
