your thong is hanging out like whoa
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
