Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
