i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
