i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
