Swine flu. Run for my life!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
