I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
