I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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