I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
