Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
