Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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