Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize