Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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