roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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