Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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