oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
