the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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