Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
where are my eyebrows?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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