He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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