I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
