Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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