At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
