i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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