i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well you can't waste a boner
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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