you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
