dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
