Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
