guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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