all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
