i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
