What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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