you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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