my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is the high leading the old right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
