Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
