if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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