We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
