Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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