Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
