I want you more than these girls want KFC
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
