Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
