Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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