There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
