My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
